As you can hopefully see, my confidence is back in full swing. I just did a modeling shoot last week and here are some of my personal favorites. Both my photographer and I are pretty confident that quite a few shots will be landing me a spot in an agency. Ill definitely be updating, seeing as though Im very proud of my work and the progression of my work. I remember my first shoot like it was just yesterday, apparently and this is me quoting my photographer, “Im a natural.” So look out world, here i come! :)
Its actually quite the opposite now, it’s been taking some getting used to.
I have officially fallen off the bandwagon. Every step i took to make me better, to make US better, gone, dead. I got sober and stayed sober until the day after i broke up with you. Ive relapsed and officially give no fucks, i have no reason to be sober. The love of my life is gone.
So i break up with my boyfriend less than a month ago, trying to explain that it was bc i got sober for HIM, and that i needed time to heal over the things HE had done to me in the past. I told him i needed time to figure out who i am, since you know i havent been sober in 8 years, i even TRIED to explain that this wasnt permanent, but no he had “heard” enough and had to get off the phone. Everything i said went in one ear and out the other, the only thing he heard
Was that i needed time and we had to break up for nowm
What he didnt hear was the trembling in my voice, the sound of MY heart BREAKING, the sheer terror of the voices in my head SCREAMING “youre breaking his heart”, “he’s never going to forgive you for this”, “hes going to think youre abandoning him”, etc.
I finally reached out last night bc i couldn’t not hear his voice a second longer and i thought he would be happy that ive been doing better and i wanted to hear what changes were happening on his end and all i heard was, ivwas tired of being unhappy and i have a new girlfriend…. He went from engagement ring shopping for me to having a new girlfriend. What in the name of all things holy did i do tobdeserve this?! I took a title away and the man i was going to marry geys a new girlfriend?!
I…i… I cant even write anymore, it hurts too much.
Rozonda Thomas aka Chilli from TLC
From There’s A Reason We Only Use Square Cages by Emily Dehr.